July 3, 2013

I moved to Nashville TN on march 2 2013. I've been there for four months. In those four months I've fallen in love with a guy, drew. He is an honest, caring, loving, wonderful person. He cares about me more than anyone I've ever known. He loves me unconditionally. He accepts my past & all of my flaws. And I am 100% completely in love with him. 

But there is one little problem... He is still married. And yes they still live together. But they hate each other and don't wanna be together. No it's not fair for me to make excuses about the whole thing because I do know right from wrong. But it just feels so right to be so wrong in this situation. But there are times when I feel so lost without him. And I know one day eventually I'm gonna end up alone and without him. Bc no matter how the situation ends I know I'll be the one alone in the end. It sucks, but it's true. My emotions are all out of whack right now. It's like my mind just can't function. 

Living in Nashville has been great so far. I love everyone I've met. They're all great people. 

I still miss Richie and heather more than I could ever put into words. Those two were my best friends. I could never explain to you the love I have for those two. Not a day goes by that I don't think about them and where they'd be in life today if they were still here. The day I found out Richie killed himself, I felt my world caving in around me. I thought there was no way in hell I would be able to live without him. But his death opened my eyes a lot. After rehab when Jim called to tell me that Heather had overdosed and she died I felt my heart break all over again. I couldn't explain the feeling I had that night. And I don't know that I ever will. She was just like the sister I never got. She was there when no one else was. She understood when no one else did. I miss them both so much. But even tho I do, nothing will ever bring them back to me. 

Since rehab I've become a lot happier of a person. I'm nine months sober. I couldn't be more proud of myself. 

Not too long after rehab I got a puppy, Sturgis. He is my world, he keeps me sane when no one else can. He listens even if no one else does. He loves me and cares about me no matter the situation. He is my rescue baby. I would be crazy without him!! 

I will definitely be writing more now. 

I've missed it. 

😘 Good night world.