I have cried myself to sleep for four days straight. I hate the way things are going. I feel a relapse coming on and the way my depression is right now I know I'd relapse to die. I'm so stressed out. I don't wanna be alive. I don't wanna be here period. I'm mad at everyone including myself. I don't even look myself in the eye when I'm looking in the mirror. I don't even like who I am. I hate myself. I'm getting fat. I've inked my body & no one likes it. I'm having to do something id never thought I'd have to do. Me & drew are done. Me & rob are done too. Why do I always tend to fuck everything good up. ALWAYS. it never fails. My life is one big fuck up. I seriously wish it would have been me & not Richie/Heather. Why couldn't god have let me be the one to go? Then I wouldn't be struggling so bad right now.