sitting here feeling kinda crazy...

and its not just any crazy, its the kinda crazy when you love somebody..

im in a weird position and im not sure what to do... i am absolutely in love with kyle benton and would do anything to be with him. and he tells me he wont be with his girlfriend for much longer, but then tonight mark tells me and cristen that kyle is engaged... so that threw me off. and i miss mark, but i dont wanna be with him. i dont need him. he is addicted to pills and if we got married and had kids there would be no way that my kids would be around that.

i also got fired today. fml.

i dont deserve this life, id make the perfect wife.. but i know loves a sacrifice. who's gonna sacrifice for me and give me all their time?

"no more empty conversations, next time i will be totally sure. dont want the pain of falling in and out of love.. its more than my poor heart should endure. so i listen to all advice and remember the next time i cry"

im just back into my depression and having no where to turn to.

im back to wanting to cry myself to sleep every night. or take sleeping pills to help me sleep so i dont think about all the bs going on. im back to eating one time a day, if that. im back down to 94 lbs. i just always feel so upset. and i wanna cry all the time. sometimes i wish i could just trade lives with someone. and be done in this stupid state. i wanna move somewhere far away! and get away from this stupid hell hole. i have nothing here for me. NOTHING AT ALL.

but im going to watch the lying game and pass out!

night :) 

time to move on... once again.

mark broke up with me, for no reason.. and now he has a new girlfriend. and he broke up with me less than 5 hrs ago. i dont know what to do, or what to feel. i wanna get the hell away from here! im so over this stupid state and all the assholes it has to offer.

wellllll, tonight :)

tonight was a good night. i hung out with mark's sister.. cristen. she took me to dinner for my birthday and then we just chilled and watched a movie! she's cool to talk to, and we get along great! a bunch of drama went down tonight at mark's house, and i'm kinda mad i missed it... lol. i'm going to get another tattoo one day this week, and i'm pretty stoked about it! its gonna be so cute. yay.

well i guess im gonna go to sleep, since i do have to work in the morning.. lol. night!

Mark Alan Benton :)

so i am most definitely in love with my best friend.

Mark Benton has made me feel like no one

else has ever made me feel.

He is by far the best thing that has ever happened

to me! i love him to the moon and back.

i'm getting his racing number (712) tattooed

on my ankle, it's gonna be in roman numerals.

i am SUPER excited to show him this. he says i dont show that i really love him, but i think this will show him. and im pumped.

me and him got a new puppy tonight. he's a baby pit bull, his name is Homicide. :) he is the best puppy ever!

my baby and Homicide <3



in love and it feels so good

over the past month and a half, almost 2 months i have fallen in love... all over again, but this time with the most amazing guy. mark completes me in ways i didnt know i could be completed. he always keeps me laughing. and i can be myself around him. we always have a good time together.. whether we are laying in bed and cuddling and watching a movie, or we go out to the rock, or we go ride or just anything.. we have a good time. i love him. honestly. there isnt a doubt in my mind about this! just wanted to get it out there...

iMark Alan Benton