Losing myself 💀

I once again have put myself in a shitty situation. I broke up with jason and started talking to a new guy. But he's hung up on his ex and I let myself actually start to care, even tho I said I wouldn't. I hate that I never feel good enough for people or that I'm not taken seriously. Like I literally put it all on the line jumping straight into something else and it seems like it was for nothing. I always find myself with the shit end of the stick... and I don't like it. I don't want to even be here anymore sometimes and I hate feeling that way. Like I feel like me and dalton could eventually be good for and with each other but he's not "at a good place in life" if he only knew that I hate living he would see that he's not alone in that. I want to help him become himself just like he's helped me in the last three weeks become more of myself. Just got to put my game face on and keep being persistent in this.

Dead Inside

It seems as though I always find myself in the worst situations. My boyfriend lied to me, and it makes me wonder what I did wrong that he couldn't be honest about something stupid. And it also makes me curious as to what else he lies to me about. I just know I am always so open and honest about EVERYTHING I do. No matter what... there was a time where I wasn't honest, but to be fair we had just gotten back together and he was questioning what was done when we weren't together - which in my opinion doesn't matter. I never questioned him about what he did. It just really hurt my feelings to know that he was lying to me and then he tells me he didn't tell me bc he didn't want to argue about it. I wouldn't have argued if he were just honest. I'm to the point of being dead inside all over again... 😞💀



I literally can't even sit in the same room with him... he's been on his phone since I got here. And if he lied to me about something small, what's to say he isn't lying about something else? I can feel my heartbreaking and it literally sucks.



Times like this I miss Rob more than I've ever missed anyone. He literally treated me the way I should be treated and loved me without any restrictions. He would have done anything possible to make me smile, whether it be sending flowers bc I had a bad morning or driving to see me just because. He was literally the sweetest, most caring person that has ever been in my life. If only I could still call him just to hear his voice one more time. He would know what to tell me and the right thing to do in this situation.


I know I'm always depressed and no one likes to read that shit, but what else could possibly go wrong in my life? I try to be happy, and I try to be a good person. But sometimes it is really fucking hard to do. I get so tired of trying so hard - it literally hurts to never be good enough. I hate crying, I hate making myself stress... I hate what the stress does to my body and most of all what it does to my mind. I start to over think everything then I become this shell of a person who no one wants to be around. And I do it to myself. Sad thing is I know when I start to shut down but there isn't anything I do that can reverse that.



Sorry for all the whining and bitching, but I had to get it out of me before I explode.