Testimony.

this is my testimony.

all throughout high school i didnt drink much and i never did drugs, but i did sleep with a couple of guys. when i moved to Tuscaloosa in August 2010 is when i really started to drink.. well around this time last year i started to clean for a guy.. Zach. two days before thanksgiving he raped me. and thats when i really started to get into the pills and weed. i moved home and i started smoking regularly and taking pills a lot. i started to hang out with the wrong people. and really sleeping around. im July i started to date a guy, Mark. and i still love him as a person.. but he got me more addicted to the weed and pills than i already was. i was killing myself every day. i did anything for pills or weed. i honestly dont know how im not dead yet. right after me and mark broke up, i spiraled even more down hill. if thats possible. i started to drink again, and take any pill anyone gave me or sold me. i have smoked pills. popped them. snorted them. sold them. bought them. all of the above. i smoked more than six times a day, and even when i lost my job i continued to find a way to get money so i could buy drugs. i can roll a joint in less than 10 seconds. and a blunt in less than a minute. ive also struggled with body image issues for over a year now. not many people know this.. but drugs, alcohol, and sex werent my only addictions. i was addicted to my weight, i never weighed over 100. and i still dont. i always have my eyebrows done, bc i feel like people make fun of me if i dont. i want a boob job, and a nose job. bc im not comfortable with my body. im constantly getting my hair done. i used to run 10 miles a day to stay tiny. i was also addicted to tanning in a tanning bed, i tanned every day.

and all of the sudden one day, when i took an OP 80 and almost died.. something was telling me, "hey Emily this isnt who you are.... this isnt how you act. youre better than this. you need help." and i knew as soon as i heard that voice of reason in my head that it was Jesus telling me that He was here to help. so i went to my mom and told her everything. and when i say everything i mean everything you just read. i started to get back involved in church. and i can feel Jesus changing me. i have been clean for 20 days now. and it has been one tough journey so far. ive almost slipped a few times. but i know better. i know that Jesus has a better life for me. and that He is going to use me to witness to young people all over the world. He is my rock, hope, peace, love, comforter, healer. and He is an awesome God.

i am slowly forgiving Zach for raping me. i have to forgive him though... ive already given him one night of my life, if i dont forgive him then im going to give him every night of my life. and he doesnt deserve that.

and dont get me wrong, im not just clean and happy. its a struggle every day to wake up and pray to an awesome Jesus. and not wake up thinking about where i can get my next pill or get weed from. its one of the biggest struggles ive been through. but i know i can continue to be great, and clean. and i realize now that with Jesus i can be happy and not have to have drugs, alcohol, or sex.