hard.

it's so hard for me to continue to be clean..

me and my mom got into it just a few minutes ago because she expects me to keep my little brother for her so she can show her boyfriend where some hunting land is.. i was gonna keep him today while she towed her car, but not for her to just go way out to the middle of no where to show her boyfriend something. it makes me mad that she just tries to put Ethan off on me. she hasnt even seen Ethan all weekend, and then she does this! no. so she said screw me. and she would find her own ride home from church and until she got home id have to keep ethan then im free of him from now on. it just seems like she thinks bc im not out doing drugs now i can just keep him whenever she pleases. but i have a life too. outside of this house. and outside of everything else. and she doesnt see that. and now that she said screw you its even harder to not wanna go out and get pills or weed. and i hate that, she is supposed to be supporting me and helping me. but her being mean and acting like that and acting like i have nothing else to do, or no life makes it hard. i do wanna go out and get high. everyday. but i know i cant. but when stuff like this happens, i want to. i know SO many places to get stuff from, and im even more tempted now! i just pray i dont screw up.