its harder now than ever.

I miss those blue eyes, how you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep
Like there's no sunrise, like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you what I should have said
No, I never told you, I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you
I can't believe it, I still want you
And after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you, without you

I see your blue eyes every time I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to, when I'm not around you
It's like I'm not with me

But I never told you what I should have said
No, I never told you, I just held it in
And now I miss everything about you
(Still, you're gone)
I can't believe it, I still want you
(And I'm lovin' you, I never should've walked away)
After all the things we've been through
(I know it's never gonna come again)
I miss everything about you, without you

But I never told you what I should have said
No, I never told you, I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you
(Still, you're gone)
I can't believe it, I still want you
(And I'm lovin' you, I never should've walked away)
After all the things we've been through
(I know it's never gonna come again)
I miss everything about you, without you

-Colbie Caillat <3


 im in kind of a depressed mood. (whats new)

for some reason tonight, i miss mark more than ive ever missed him. i keep listening to that song over and over again. cause i do miss him so much, and i just wish he could change because he wants to, and we could be together. i love him with everything i have. he was the best thing i had, and i wish i could go back and fix things.. but its too late for all that. he's on my mind when i wake up, all day, when i go to sleep. i even have dreams of being with him. i dont know why, but i cant get him off my mind. no matter what i do. i just wish he could see that im changing for the better and he would want to change. or something. maybe he would go to the basement with me?! idk. but i mean, i have an everyday reminder of him tattooed, and i want it to stay there.. because maybe, just maybe one day i'll wake up beside him and not have any regrets about this tattoo. ive been crying so much, my eyes are burning. i just keep all this inside, because everyone says hes no good. and i dont need him.. but i do, i honestly do. i NEED him. so much. no one understands that.. but oh well.

i wanna stay clean and do good. but i also want mark to be with me, and go back to being mine. i wish i could do right and be with him. cause im in love with him. and i thank God for him. why do things have to be so difficult?! i dont understand. and i cant keep all this in. its getting harder and harder. when im with other guys or even just texting another guy... i compare everything about them to Mark. EVERYTHING about them. hair, eyes, smile, laugh, comfort, attitude, the way they dress, what they do, how they talk, how they text.. all of it. and for some reason no other guy compares to him. and i know that if we're meant to be together then we will end up being together. but i dont know if the heartbreak is worth the wait. because my heart seriously aches for him. all day every day.

goodnight.