thinking...

i've been thinking a lot in the past thirty minutes. and when i think it isnt good. i miss the way things used to be. and the way things should be. the other night Aunt Tina told Shalene (right in front of me) that when Mark is sad and down he ALWAYS calls me first. not his mom, aunt tina, brother, or nana... me. and Josh tells me tonight that all Mark has ever talked about around him.. was me. why?! i dont understand. all he does is make me cry. cause i think about him almost every day. before i go to sleep and all day.  and his mom told me the other night that Mark keeps asking her who he needs to be with, and everytime she tells him me. and that makes things so much harder for me.

"Better That We Break"

I never knew perfection til
I heard you speak, and now it kills me
Just to hear you say the simple things
Now waking up is hard to do
And sleeping is impossible too
Everything is reminding me of you
What can I do?

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break…

A fool to let you slip away
I chase you just to hear you say
You’re scared and that you think that I’m insane

The city look so nice from here
Pity I can’t see it clearly
While you’re standing there, it disappears
It disappears

It’s not right, not OK
Say the word it should say

Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break

Saw you sitting all alone
You’re fragile and you’re cold, but that’s all right
Life these days is getting rough
They’ve knocked you down and beat you up
But it’s just a rollercoaster anyway, yeah

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break, baby