Mark Alan...

He is my world. and i know im in love with Kevin too. but it's different kinds of love. Mark is who my heart longs for.

and as he blew my phone up (8 missed calls in 3 minutes) i rejected it... every time. and then he text me and said its mark answer plsss hrry. so he called back and i answered...

Mark called me tonight as he was overdosing on 60 xanex bars. and i think him telling me that he hates his life over and over kinda broke me down.. bc i love his life. and he kept telling me to pray for him, and not to worry he loves me. he said he hates his life bc he lost his car, bike, and the only girl he ever cared about. thats when i broke down. the tears just started to pour. he was crying, and so was i. he kept saying, "Emily i cant see anything, my hands are numb, and the room is gray" and i swear i think i had a mini heart attack. he started to cough, and i asked if he was ok. he said im just coughing up blood, its cool. im killing myself. you wont ever have to worry about me again. i said mark, thats the thing i worry about you everyday, because i love you. i seriously love you.

he started to cry and said i love you too Emily. i told him that God can use him and He has a purpose for his life. not to kill himself. i told him i would help out with $ for court. not a lot, but i could help some. and i told him that if he was gonna die to at least accept God into his heart. and believe that when he did die that it was going to be very real. Heaven or Hell. his choice. he said im not ready for that. so i just said ok. what else am i supposed to say?

then his mom came into the room and shoved 6 charcoal pills down his throat. thank God!

im still crying as i write this, because i dont want someone who was my best friend, and boyfriend to die. or to think he is worthless. when in all reality... he is so worthy to me. he is like a diamond in the rough. and i can help him, and witness to him. maybe even change his life.

i wrote him a letter, and mailed it off Monday.

and thats why he called right after he took all those xanex bars.

bc he couldnt stop reading that letter over and over again.

well after tonight... its been a rough one to say the least. but hopefully things will all be ok in the morning.

i thank God everyday for everyone He has put in my life, and everyone He has taken out of my life. and i know God is continually blessing me! every second of every day. and for that i am truly grateful.

He has given me Lindsay.. she is an awesome friend and person. and i never express my feelings to her... or anyone. but i love her to death. she has been there for me over the past little while more than my two "best friends" have been. and i am so thankful for her. super excited for ATL this weekend!

Dock... where to even start with him? lol. he's pretty awesome. and i think that God is using him in ways he doesnt even know yet..and i know Dock is gonna do great things. and i cant wait to see what those things might be!!

P. Ric is the most awesome youth pastor EVER. every week listening to him preach i just feel like its directed to me! even though its just in general.... when i miss church, i feel like im lost. and something just isnt right. i love everything P.Ric has done for the teenagers of this city. and mostly i love him for everything he has done for me. Tiff too! she is awesome. and i always know i can talk to her about ANYTHING.

mommy- she is an awesome, beautiful, strong, caring person. even though sometimes we fight and she makes me wanna slip up... i still love her. with everything i have! without her i wouldnt be where i am today. and i am so thankful for her.

BubbyLove<3 - Ethan is the best little brother anyone could ask for. i love him to the moon and back. and i am so thankful God put us 10 years apart. we are so close, and he looks up to me. and that just makes me wanna be a better person!

last but not least, he gave me Mark. and i thank Him for sending me Mark every day. i continually pray over him. and i pray that one day he sees the good in himself that i see in him. i love Mark with all the little broken pieces of my heart.. i mean come on, i have his racing number tattooed on me. and i honestly dont want to cover it up. bc i know deep down one day i will be waking up next to him for the rest of my life. i dont know why he chose me to call tonight, but it was all a part of God's plan. for me to be able to witness to him. i love Mark to death <3

i know that im not perfect, just forgiven <3

say your prayers!

pray for:

mark

clay's son

mrs angie

me

my dad

and all

of the sick,

heartbroken, hurt,

addicted, angry,

hateful, stressed, disappointed,

and mean people of the world.

goodnight! :)

Mark Alan Benton <3

Lindsay <3

my sweet bubbylove <3

Mommy <3